New Year’s Resolutions? No, Thank You.

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.
~ Nelson Mandela

New Year’s Resolutions? Nope, no, thank you. It’s too much pressure.
Setting New Year’s resolutions can indicate that there are things to "fix." It indicates that what you’ve been doing was bad or wrong.

New Year’s resolutions can be well-intentioned, but they often aren’t as helpful or practical as we might hope.

Here’s why:

1. Unrealistic Expectations

Many resolutions have lofty, strict goals, like "I will exercise every day," “ I will give up bread,” or "I will lose 30 pounds." These broad goals can be overwhelming and restrictive and often make us feel bad about ourselves if we do not stay on track.

2. Self-care is an Ongoing Process.

Noticing what no longer works and needs to be changed is not a one-time thing.

For example, if one of your resolutions is to stop drinking, it is more sustainable to explore why you drink. Is it your way of dealing with work stress or an unhappy marriage? Can you talk to your therapist and determine how to stop drinking gradually because depriving yourself doesn’t work?

3. Pressure to Change Everything at Once

Real change takes time and practice. New Year's resolutions often involve making substantial life changes quickly.

Imagine if I signed you up to run a Marathon next weekend and you are not a runner. You would burn out quickly.

Small, incremental changes are usually more sustainable.

4. All-or-Nothing Mentality

People tend to see resolutions as either a success or failure. If they slip up once (like missing a workout or indulging in unhealthy food), they may abandon the goal, thinking they’ve failed. This mindset makes it hard to bounce back and try again.

5. External Motivation

We often seek change because we seek validation from others, whether through society’s expectations, family pressure, or health issues.

What can you do instead?

1. Reflect on Why You are Seeking Change

Being mindful and self-aware can help.

2. Ask for Support

You do not have to do it alone.
I find it helpful to share my goals with a close friend or therapist to keep me accountable.

For example, if one of my resolutions is to run a half-marathon in September, I have nine months to train. I ask my husband to keep me accountable, so he ensures I go to the gym or run even on the rainiest days when I don’t feel like going. I also see my massage therapist monthly to stay healthy.

3. Reflect and Reassess, Often

It is okay to change your mind and take time to reflect if your goal is still working.

If not, tweak it, discuss it with your people, and see what changes need to be made.

4. Lastly, Be kind to Yourself

If you do not meet your goals, re-think and then try again.

If you are determined to make New Year's resolutions, I invite you to think about what you are trying to achieve and how you can do that with the most kindness to yourself.