Owning Your Part: Accountability & Responsibility

Does taking responsibility means I am no longer a child?!

Accountability & Responsibility: What Is Your Role In Any Moment?

While empowering, taking accountability for your life and decisions can be scary.

Blaming others rather than considering our roles in difficult situations is often easier. Yes, things happen, and we often have no control over the outcome, especially when the system is flawed.

What I am talking about is when things happen, such as relationships breaking up, losing your job, or having a conflict with colleagues.

We have all experienced it with friends or ourselves. When our friends share a stressful event that’s happening or what their partner isn’t doing, they sit and complain about the other person, and the story expands into how everyone is at fault.

Taking accountability for your life is an empowering and transformative process. It involves accepting responsibility for your actions, decisions, and outcomes while recognizing your ability to change and shape your future.

Below, I share a few key aspects to consider when thinking about accountability, and I share my experiences:

1. Own Your Decisions

Accountability starts with acknowledging that you are making the choices in your life—consciously or subconsciously. Even when external factors influence your situation, your response and decisions are within your control. Recognize how your big and small choices have led you to where you are now.

• Example: If you’re unhappy with your career, reflect on the decisions that brought you there—did you choose a path because it was expected of you, or because you didn’t take the time to assess what you truly wanted?

• My Experience: I became a banker because of pressure from my parents. After 5 years, I left the corporate world when I realized the stress and unhappiness took a toll on my health.

2. Embrace Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

Taking accountability is accepting that mistakes are a natural part of growth. Instead of avoiding blame or deflecting responsibility, use setbacks as an opportunity to learn. This helps shift your mindset from seeing mistakes as failures to seeing them as stepping stones.

• Example: If a project fails, ask yourself: What could I have done differently? What lessons can I learn to ensure success next time?

• My Experience: I remember almost failing the first year of Chinese medicine school because I thought I could cram for my exams like I did in university. That wasn't the case, and I had to change how I learned.

3. Stop Blaming Others

While it’s natural to want to point fingers when things go wrong, taking accountability means refraining from blaming others for your circumstances. Instead, focus on what you can do to change the situation. This empowers you and keeps you from feeling like a victim of life’s circumstances.

• Example: If a relationship ends poorly, instead of blaming the other person entirely, reflect on your own actions, your communication, and your role in the dynamic.

• My Experience: I blamed everyone until my mid-30s when something didn't go as expected. When I realized that my actions contributed to the results, I changed how I looked at and approached situations. Sometimes, I would blame the other person for not meeting my expectations, but I realized I didn't ask for what I wanted.

4. Be Honest with Yourself

Accountability requires brutal honesty. This can be difficult because it often means confronting uncomfortable truths about your habits, attitudes, and behaviours. Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses; don’t hide from the truth because it’s uncomfortable.

• Example: If you feel stuck in a negative cycle, take a moment to ask yourself: "What part of this situation am I responsible for?" or "How can I break this pattern?"

• My Experience: My pattern until my mid-30s was loneliness -> sadness -> staying home -> fatigue, and repeat. Once I realized I was not taking action to make friends and connections with others, I changed and started building my community.

5. Take Action to Change

Accountability doesn’t end with recognition—it’s about making changes. Once you identify areas where you want to grow or things that need to shift, take proactive steps. Accountability means being intentional and setting clear goals to move forward.

• Example: If you realize you’ve been procrastinating, take small, actionable steps to overcome it. This might mean breaking tasks into manageable chunks or creating a schedule that holds you accountable.

• My Experience: Once I realized I needed to go outside to make friends, I joined yoga classes, art classes, and running groups.

6. Set Healthy Boundaries & 7. Practice Self-Compassion

Accountability also involves recognizing when and where you need to set boundaries with others and even with yourself. When you’re responsible for your well-being, you must prioritize self-care, say "no" when necessary, and stand up for your needs.

• Example: If you often take on too much because you fear letting people down, learn to set limits and communicate your needs assertively.

Accountability doesn’t mean being overly harsh or self-critical. It’s about accepting that you are a human being who will make mistakes but can also learn, grow, and evolve. Be kind to yourself as you work to take responsibility for your life.

• Example: When you fall short of a goal, practice self-compassion instead of beating yourself up. Say, "I’m learning from this," and use it as motivation to keep going.

• My Experience: One of my therapists told me, "If it's not 100% Yes, then it's a No." It took me a while to learn that I can still show up for my friends, but not when it costs me my peace. I used to feel guilty for saying No, but then I'd be upset (unknowingly) that I didn't have time for myself, or I’d resent secretly that I had to do something for others.

8. Surround Yourself with Support

While accountability ultimately lies with you, having support can be helpful. Surround yourself with people who encourage personal growth, or work with a coach, mentor, or therapist who can guide you through the process of taking responsibility and making lasting changes.

• Example: Share your goals with a friend or family member who can hold you accountable or seek professional guidance to navigate challenges more effectively.

• My Experience: For example, when I sign up for a running race, I tell my friends. One of my friends leaves treats on her porch for me during my long runs. This way, I am motivated and get fuel for my run.

In summary, taking responsibility for your life means accepting responsibility for your actions and their consequences, but it also involves empowering yourself to make positive changes. It’s a mindset shift from victimhood to agency—acknowledging that while you can't control everything, you always have control over your responses and decisions. The journey is about growth, learning, and moving forward with intention and confidence.

“Remember, taking accountability doesn’t mean you let others off the hook for their bad behaviours; it means you get to choose how you want to live your life.”