Feel to Heal
It's okay not to be okay.
It's okay to feel that things are too much.
It's okay to despair at the state of the world, climate, housing crisis etc.
It's okay to be angry.
It's okay to cry.
What is not okay is not feeling your feelings.
What is not okay is suppressing your emotions and then taking them out on others.
But in order to feel to heal, you need a community.
There's a marked difference between acquaintances and friends. Most people really don't become friends. They become deep and serious acquaintances. But in a friendship you get to know the spirit of another person; and your values coincide.
Maya Angelou
I have been deeply engaged in my healing for over ten years. I'm not going to lie. It's not easy.
Some days I want to walk away and go and live in the forest in a mushroom-like house with two dogs, a few sheep, and a big vegetable garden.
Feeling your feelings and emotions is hard, and it's even harder when you don't have a community of people to witness your progress.
I believe in community. We need a community to hold us. We need elders, sisters, brothers, and loving, kind people who will hold us.
However, living in the western individualist culture is hard for those of us who grew up in a collectivist culture.
It is exhausting, tiring, and lonely,
But. We must be there for one another.
We must show up when our people need help.
Send a care package.
Make food.
Go and do their laundry when they have a new baby.
Text them and ask, "How are you? Can I bring over a pizza?"
Imagine how amazing the world would be if we dared to feel our feelings. If we had people with whom we could share that we are having a bad day, and the best part is they would understand and hold space for us, so we dare to be vulnerable.
I was raised in a Chinese family and culture that emphasized maintaining harmony to avoid conflict and confrontation. It was considered impolite to express strong emotions.
So I get it. Feeling your emotions can be scary.
But how can we heal the collective if we don't heal from within?